This is were I will try to explain what my illness is and if I can go into more details of what knock on effect it has
on me and my children I started to get ill after taking a blood clot in my lung 23 years ago now at this
satge it never really had an effect on me or my young daughter, we still did all the things mother and daughter did and I
was still pretty much young myself. So I carried on much as normal.As time went by i noticed small things at first how
much harder it was becoming to swing play with the two children now as i had a little bot by now and he was just born and
kerry was 7, I found it harder to fight off lung and chest infections and flu's and bugs were becoming an onset in my
life. Then my asmtic became worse and I had to start to depend on inhalers and nebulizer which I never had to do.I found
it harder to fight each infection and found it harder to spend time playing with the young man I had not long giving
birth to. I lived in glasgow at the time and the doc there gave up on me on a few occissians but i was going to be put down
that easliy and i fought back time after time after time .then i had a other little boy in the change of life and that when
things really started to to get worse the doc did offwer me a termanation but I refuse once again i took an other blood
clot and that just damaged the lung totally but then again that was my choice and I did not see why this little one should
nothave the same chance as i gave the other two.On saying that I am really glad I did have him. I became more prone to chest
infection and lung infection by now and my lung copassidy had went down to 75% and it was becoming harder to walk so i learned
to drive at least that way I was still able to do things by myself.By this time my Daughter Kerry was almost raising my young
son and a lot of people took him for hers because of this . Now untill a few years ago I managed and learned to live
with what had been happening to my body.........
In the last few years i went from 15 stone till 6and half seven stone my lung compassitidy has falling to little or no
oxygen getting into the left lung and the right one damanaged now to I depended on and axygen supply and night all night
now and sometomes durning the day and my body has become so swollen i could get my son's sheos on never mind my own size sixes.
My left luing collapased on me three sunday nights ago and now that has been hard for me to except as i still need my independence
and i seem to be loosing that and i not sure how i feel there depending onn your children to do simple things for you are
the worse off all like helping you to dress or to get me something to eat or even helping me to wash now that the hardest
part of all. My children are good with me but i feel as if iam letting them down and instead of me looking after them the
way it should be there looking after me now that the hardest thing off all .
I will come back each few days and hopefully write this up as aday to day progress of the ill and it's knock on effect....................................
wednesday:5th april.
I forget to say two weeks ago they left me an consintrator out they plug it in the the living room and i cant go to bed
iam sleeping living and eating in my living room not good but we seem to be managing .
I did not ust the oxygen thing last night cause it was making funny noise and it frightened me so I would keep it on and
I slept all night for the first time in a few months, but i got up this morning spo short of breath it frighten me more but
i got up used my nebluizer and took my tablets and my inhalers and i felt a lot bettter today been a good day and i
seem to have mananged a lot better so all i can dom is wait and see what the night brings and look forward till to-morrow...........
I managed all day and i even went to pick up jordan from school which i haven't done in a month and i wouldn't go to thwe
gate to meet him cause I was in my chair and I didn't want the other kids to make fun of him cause of me for that has happened
a few times in the past causes noone can be as cruel as kids can be.
Anyway enough about me the kids are coping well and they have seem to adjusted to the fact that my breathing has became
worse
well that wil do till tomorrow .
I wasn't up to this yesterday cause I was so short off breath I couldn't type. so I will try now. I still short
of breath today and walking seems a bit harder i have a cough for the first time in weeks and I am hoping it's not a
infection cause i could real do without that, it's Easter next week and I hoping to spend some time with my son but if I
take an infectioning that won't happen and i hate that even more. the swellening in my hands has gone down but my feet
are still four times to big. My head seem to be sore the last few days but the doc say thats the lack of oxygen and I
seem to have problems with conversations and remembering what I am talking about, but there nothing new there I always
seem to suffer from that I was only joking about that bit. I seem to be depending on my inhalers for more movement and I
don't know why. but all and all today has been one off the best for near a month so here is hoping things pick up again real
soon.
saturday 8th april
well got up this morning with a lung infection did not really need it but hopfully it will be cleared in the next few days
if not i'll just get something from the doc for it.
my feet are swollen again and iam a bit short of breath been like that all day slept for a while this afternoon which help.
my moods but rotten today have fought with everyone who came inconmtact with me and that not me cause normaly iam the one
who keeps things going but i just cant be bothered to day. think i'll just have an early night and see what tomoz bring take
care u lot x
sunday the 9th april 9.45pm
I have slept most of the day. been so tired not sure why, been very short of breath today again I am going to see
the doc tomoz and see why. Cant even walk to the bathroom cause I become so short of breath
will get bk to this to morrow nite god bless take care
xx
Thursday 13 april 17.45
Habent been online this last couple of day havent been very well so short of breath and havent been able to walk that far
my daughter been helping me in and out of the bathroom but felling a bit better today thank god and iam grateful for that
all my love kids
god bless take care
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wednesday 26 april 22.07
It's taking me a while to get back to this. Havent had a very good week or so the nurses and the doc been out with me just
couldn't stop teh swelling my feet had become so big i couldn't walk my hands so sore i couldn't type. i had become
so short of breath i couldn't lie down so spent an other week on the sofa in the living room. this is beging to fraustrate
everyone cause the kids are gettinmg no peace to have their own space nor me to have mine, i was eating, sleeping and living
in the one room had not be out for weeks and i was getting angry at the whole world but it is not anyones fault. but
over the last few days things seem to have picked up again and here's hoping they stay like that for a few more days as we
all need to see that things have some sort of normalaty for a while.the one thing I cant stand is loosing my independence
now that bothering me as i like to be and do my own thing and having to depend on my children more and more hurts me so much.
My daughter taking ayear of uni to be with me and help this is so unfair on her she has work so hard to get were she is now
and i feel guilty about it but we both need to except the changes.The last infection has damaged my lung so that there is
little to no air getting in it and there is nothing can be done. think that is the worse part of the C.O.P.D is even after
all this time there is still no cure for this. I pray and hope someday they will find dome thi9ng more affected thoe this
other than inhalers and tablet as the donrt stop ot prolong the illness. they do help to a degree but on;ly to a degree and
after that there is nothing anyone can do but like it or not iam only one of thousands of people who have this . My Mum passed
away in Jan of this year from C.O.:P.D and it was an alwlful thing to see. Mum weight a little under five stone and she was
a very fit anf heathly woman till she took it in her late fifty's and she was 77 when she passed away. I have it just over
20years i went throught the weight lose and most of it so hear prayoing it will hold me a while longer
love to the kid's love you and god bless
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